


Bad Things Come in Threes

by Arizona_Green



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Chaotic Dumbasses, Multi, OOC, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arizona_Green/pseuds/Arizona_Green
Summary: Though Sasuke was very adamant that the blonde holds the IQ of a table lamp, Naruto still manages to concoct grand schemes that with the help of his two best friends shake up their third rate academy and everyone in it.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 9





	1. Gym Day

**“Okay, I know this looks bad but don't worry! I can fix this. Probably?”**

Naruto was glad ‘A look that could kill’ was only an expression because if not he'd already be 6 feet under. Or maybe he'd just straight up evaporate under Sasuke's intense dark-eyed glare, so there wouldn't be anything left of him to bury. He felt the need to discuss this with the group, but wisely chose to stay silent. Minutes ticked by only interrupted by Sakura’s occasional giggle and Sasuke's agitated sighs. Naruto secretly wished Sasuke would find the situation as amusing as Sakura appeared to, then he'd be more assured that he wasn't getting stabbed in the near future. But you can't always get what you want, right? 

  
  


Bored out of his mind, he tried to think of something fun to do that would raise his companions spirits. 

Miss Shizune , the surprisingly level-headed secretary, had already scolded them for scribbling on the new ‘Please Wait Quietly' sign she had hung up earlier in the day. The last one had met a quick end due to an abundance of rather...unsavory drawings of the male anatomy. Thankfully the trio’s artwork was a touch more mature.

Sasuke drew a totally sick lightning bolt over the ‘W’ with his favorite black pen.

Sakura made a few stars and hearts, using a mixture of her pink and red pens. 

Naruto stuck with simple pencil drawn smiley faces and wrote ‘T7’ inside of a cloud border. As a sign of good will , they even drew a tornado over a picture of the previously mentioned distasteful organ. 

  
  


Now, you may wonder why these three charming teenagers are currently sitting on an ugly green bench waiting to talk to the school principal, and the answer is simple; They got caught! 

  
  


But what is it they got caught doing? 

  
  


Well, the disastrous chain of events all started yesterday when Naruto had a sudden revelation in the middle of the group's shared gym class. 

* * *

  
  


It was on the third lap around the track that Naruto came upon his ingenious idea. Unable to contain himself tugged on Sasuke’s sweaty jersey and they both decreased their speed so Sakura could catch up. Unlike her stupidly competitive friends, she jogged at a more reasonable pace, falling in line with the rest of the class.

“This is garbage” She panted out, seriously feeling as though she was on the brink of a heat stroke “Anko is out to kill us.”

“Oh c’mon Saks, it's not that hot! You and Sasuke are just-” From the sour look he got from the pinkette and the quick elbow to his ribs from Sasuke he knew he’d better get to the point before he lost his audience “-anyway, guys I got an idea”.

The reactions to his glorious deceleration weren't the ones he’d been expecting. Or rather they were, but he was hoping this time Sasuke wouldn't look at him like he was stupid. At least he could always count on Sakura to support his endeavors. 

“Will it be fun?”

“Why yes, my dear lady, it’s gonna be the funnest thing we’ve done all week”

Sasuke still had that sour look on his ~~_pretty_ ~~ handsome face. “Funnest isn't a real word, and it’s only Tuesday”. 

The two shared an intense look, their jog slowing down into nothing more than a quick walk. Not breaking eye contact Naruto leaned in ever so slightly.

“My week starts on a Sunday, bastard”.

Sakura snickered, which turned into wheezing laughs when Naruto let out a high pitched scream after Sasuke tripped him.

  
  


* * *

* * *

Tsunade never thought at 51 years she would be the principle of a (once) prestigious school. She also never thought this is where she would meet the three worst kids she's ever encountered in her entire academic career. 

  
  


Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, and Sakura Haruno. 

Vastly different in looks, personality, and social standing, Tsunade couldn't understand what bonded these three together.

_‘Perhaps it's their penchant for trouble.’_

  
  


Not a single word has been uttered since she had called them into her office four minutes ago. The plan was to make them squirm, but it's seemed to have little to no effect on the three hooligans sitting in front of her.

Naruto with his thousand watt smile has been staring directly at her with minimal blinking. His blue eyes and diamond earrings shine. 

Sasuke, who knows due to his father's generous donations to the school he won't face any real punishment, is picking at his nails with disinterest.

‘ _Ugh, rich brat._ ’

  
  


Sakura is also intensely staring, but not at her. The kid zeroed in on the candy dish the second she shuffled in. 

  
  
  


Still maintaining the silence Tsunade looks down at the three files on her desk.

* * *

* * *

Uzumaki, Naruto  
  


Sex: Male D.O.B: 11/10/20XX   
  
Height: 5'8 Weight: 163 lbs  
  
Eye: Blue Hair: Blonde

  
  


  
Homeroom----P

Workshop----92.1%

History----79.7%  
Study Hall

Math----49.9%  
Lunch  
English---68.3%  
Biology----70%

Gym----100%

* * *

  
  
  


Uchiha, Sasuke  
  


Sex: Male D.O.B: 7/23/20XX   
  
Height: 5'9 Weight: 145 lbs  
  
Eye: Black Hair: Black

  
  


  
Homeroom----P

Workshop----100%

History----99.9%  
Art----96%

Math----102%  
Lunch  
English----100%  
Biology----95%

Gym----100%

* * *

  
  


Haruno, Sakura

Sex: Female D.O.B: 3/28/20XX   
  
Height: 5'4 Weight: 120 lbs  
  
Eye: Green Hair: Pink

  
  


  
Homeroom----P

English----80.5%

History----97%  
Art----82.4%

Math----93%  
Lunch  
Study Hall  
Biology----99.1%

Gym----72%

* * *

* * *

  
  


What about attendance? Discipline records? Copies of their school I.D’s and their grades are meaningless in this situation.

Sighing Tsunade throws the files back on her desk and resumes staring at the current banes of her existence.

“So tell me, what lead you three to destroy almost $300 worth of sports equipment?”

Predictably it was Naruto that sprang forward to explain their heinous actions.

“Well you see what happened was…”

* * *

  
  
  
  


“You want to fill the dodgeballs with chalk dust?”

Sasuke realized he should have probably pushed Naruto into disclosing exactly what his ‘spectacular’ plan was before they broke into the schools equipment room. “That's so unoriginal.”

  
  


“Stop being a negative Nancy” Naruto called from the other side of the room, scanning the wall with his cell phone flashlight. “And help me find the light switch.”

Sasuke knew exactly where the switch was, but decided to let Naruto scramble around in the dark a little while longer. Judging by Sakura’s quiet snickers Sasuke knew she had caught on to what he was doing.

“What are you laughing at Sakura?”

The small girl shrugs her shoulders and sits down on a stack of mats. Deciding the joke has gone on long enough Sasuke flips the switch and the room is flooded with a harsh artificial light. 

“Hey you found it! Good job Sasuke!” Said boy rolls his eyes and sits down next to Sakura who's tossing their container of chalk dust in the air. “Now let's get to work.”

Whirling around the boy immediately runs into a rack of weights. A domino type effect happens as it tips over and hits a cart of soccer balls, that then fly into the baseball bat rack causing them to crash to the ground. Distracted by the chaos unfolding Sakura fails to catch the chalk which smashes against the ground coating everything, including them. 

The three teens frantically dash from the room, hacking from the dust. 

  
  
  


Outside stands a furious Anko. 

* * *

  
  


“So you see, we didn't even mean to knock over all that stuff”.

Tsunade sighs again. What's with these kids?

“Normally a stunt like this would call for suspension, but since Uchiha's parents have so _graciously_ paid the property damages, you three will instead upon Ms. Ankos request are to clean up the mess you made _and_ the gymnasium.”

The teens thankfully accept their punishment without any complaints. 

“You're dismissed. Enjoy the rest of your day, and have a safe weekend”.

“You too, Ms. Tsunade!” They chime back.

  
  


* * *

Come monday afternoon the three were busy mopping, scrubbing, and scraping gum off the pull-out bleachers. 

So busy in fact that Sasuke hadn't noticed Naruto was gone until he turned around to complain about his chipping nails.

"I can't believe your dumbass got us in tr--where's Naruto?"

"Left bout 5 minutes ago, dunno where he went" Sakura said without looking up from her little monster she was making from the bleacher gum. Sasuke made a disgusted face.

"Why am I friends with you people?"

“Probably cause no one else can handle your moody ass.”

Suddenly the doors bust open and in came Naruto pushing a weird looking machine. 

"May I present to you the ‘Stinger 18 Automatic Floor and Tile Scrubber’, the best money can buy. Or at least the best Leaf Academy can buy." Naruto proudly stood next to his bounty as Sasuke scowled from his spot on the bleachers. 

Taking the hint that she Sasuke wasn't moving, he wheeled the boxy contraption over to him. Once he was just out of arm's reach (It doesn't hurt to be too safe with an irritated Sasuke after all) he resumed his proud stance.

Sakura jumped down from the top bench of the bleachers with a loud bang. Quickly recovering from her painful landing she begins to poke around at the machine.

"Where'd ya get it?"

"I borrowed it from the janitors closet upstairs."

Sasuke looked at him like he'd grown two heads, which is considerably better than some of the other looks he gives him. "Why'd you steal a floor waxer?"

"Well, to wax the floor obviously. We're supposed to be cleaning right?"

Failing to see his absolute genius, Sakura quickly loses interest and begins to dig through Sasuke's satchel ~~man purse~~ for hand sanitizer. Sasuke shifts his attention back to picking at his chipped nails.

"Aw c'mon guys don't you see? This is great! Do you know when they wax the floors?"

"Over breaks and weekends." Sasuke flatly says, giving the idiot his attention once more. 

Sakura finds her cotton candy scented prize and squeezes out just a bit too much. She giggles at the obscene noises it makes when she rubs her hands together.

"And why, my pissy friend, is that?"

Sakura's head immediately snaps up showing her devilish grin. Sasuke suddenly understands what he aims to do.

"Hn."

"How do you turn it on?"

* * *

Tuesday morning, the three of them watched from the shiny, gum-free bleachers as the basketball team desperately tried (and failed) to make it back out the door without sliding into each other.

They got a week of detention with Ibiki, but at least that won't ruin Sasuke's girly hands.


	2. Almost a Band AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio (sort of) start a band.

It was no secret Naruto was a major music enthusiast . And no amount of teasing from Sasuke was going to change that.

That's not to say he didn't like it, he just didn't have as strong admiration for the dad music Naruto is obsessed with.

He loved them all. Bob Seger, Ramones, Creed, Bon Jovi, and of course his number one favorite David Bowie. Jiraiya taught him well. 

When he got a T-shirt with Bowie's face on it from his friends for his 15th birthday he wore it for a week straight, only taking it off when Sakura threatened to block him IRL.

He isn't quite sure how you block someone in real life but he thinks it might have something to do with a restraining order. Or murder. 

Anyway, it was no surprise when one day while the three were watching a documentary about boy groups of the 90's, Naruto made a horrendous suggestion.

"Guys we should start a band"

"Hell yeah!" Sakura said through a mouthful of cool ranch Doritos. _Nasty._

In a very Sasuke like fashion, he immediately destroys Naruto's dreams with a very valid point.

"We don't know how to play any instruments, dumbass." 

"Oh." Naruto's sudden drop in mood lasted only 30 seconds before he sprang up off the couch with renewed vigor. "Then we'll just have to learn!"

* * *

  
Step one: Acquiring instruments. After busting out the puppy dog eyes, and non stop begging, they finally got Sasuke to walk to the local music store. One look at the group of ragtag team of teens Dosu went to the back leaving Zaku and Kin to fend for themselves. 

  
“So, every band needs at least three things: Bass, drums, and guitar!” Naruto said as he ran his hands over the brightly colored guitars “And vocals too I guess, but we can worry about that later.”

The only person actually listening to him was Zaku who eyed him like a hawk to make sure he didn’t damage anything. Sasuke had wandered further in eventually finding an electric keyboard. Using his Superior Uchiha BrainTM he managed to recall enough of his childhood piano lessons to tap out nursery rhymes. 

  
Sakura never made it past the entrance, opting instead to make faces at herself in the glass. Which only lasted for so long before she noticed It. A shiny, golden bell sitting upon the unmanned counter just Calling her name. However, before she could fulfill her destiny Kin quickly snatched it up saving her and her coworker the unnecessary headache. 

“Can we help you three find anything?”

Naruto, as always, was the first to speak. “We’re looking for instruments!” 

Somewhere in the store Zaku let out an annoyed sigh. Sasuke finished ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’ and started ‘Three blind mice’. A look passed Kin’s face that could only be described as ‘No shit Sherlock’.

“I see. Well what’s your price range?”

“Oh yeah money...heh do you have anything for under $20?”

* * *

  
They in fact did Not have anything for under $20. So, encouraged by the intense glares of the shop clerks, the three left empty handed.   


SItting outside the 7/11 the trio plans their next move. 

“I dunno Naruto, maybe Sasuke’s. How are we supposed to have a band with no instruments?” Sakura asks, using the straw to mix her cherry slurpee.

Naruto sighs and takes a large bite of his greasy pizza. Disgusted Sasuke leans away from the blonde towards Sakura, who gives him a cold kiss on the check. Not wanting to be left out of this imprmtu session of PDA Naruto kisses his other cheek leaving Sasuke with a gross, wet, greasy face. He gets up and sits on the other side of the Ice Machine ignoring his snickering companions.   
  
“I suppose we could ask my parents? They might know someone at the flea market that sells used instruments cheap.” 

“Sakura! You're a genius!” Naruto picks her up in a bear hug.Sasuke maintains his new bond with the left side of the Ice Machine and pretends not to know the two idiots twirling around the parking lot. 

* * *

  
Sakura’s parents did actually know some people that gave them instruments. In exchange for getting as far away from their booth as possible. 

  
Sadly, T7 only lasted one practice before they decided to break up due to Naruto's (totally fake) downward spiral that started with his (nonexistent) coke addiction.

Sakura (never) wrote a best selling autobiography about her time in the band.

Sasuke disappeared from the music scene, never to be heard from again (he actually just went home).

But don't worry, they'll get back together in 10 years. Great bands always do.

* * *

* * *

"-ALL MY HATERS, THEY BE SKINHEADS! PISSED OFF CUZ THEY WIFE IS THEY SISTER-"

You may ask yourself, why is Naruto Uzumaki standing on the lunch table screaming like a lunatic.

Well it depends who you ask, but according to his friends it's because he's a drama queen. 

Before this whole conundrum the three were peacefully eating their lunches and listening to spotify on Sakura's phone. (An Android, which is much better than Apple thank you very much. But that's an argument for another day.)

Sasuke enjoyed most of the songs that played. Even the weird mumble rapper garbage that Sakura loves so much.

Everything was going great until THAT song came on.

‘Mr. Clean’.

"This guy sucks."

The wounded face Naruto made was almost comical. Sakura chose to stay out of this conversation and continued eating her fries.

Obviously needing a lesson in what Good music is Naruto climbs on the table and begins shouting along with the lyrics. Sakura steals his pear.

"TURN THESE BITCHES ON CUZ I’M REALLY GOOD AT BOP-IT- ”

Sasuke took an exception to that.

Naturally, this ended with Sakura munching on Sasuke's carrots while she watched her two friends get escorted to the principal's office by a bemused Izumo.

Apparently you're not allowed to stand on the table OR throw a water bottle at someone singing Yung Gravy. Who'd have thought?

They eventually made up while sitting next to each other in detention later that day which is a record time compared to the five day long 'Soldier Boy' fiasco.


End file.
